Let's stop pretending you don't do these 58 annoying things when you fly

It’s time for some real talk, guys. Nobody likes to admit it, or even consider it, but there’s a little bit of jerk in all of us. Especially when we travel. While there’s plenty of groaning about other people’s behavior, let’s all take a moment to reflect on our own, ahem, idiosyncrasies and admit to being guilty of at least some of these 58 common behaviors we’ve all indulged in when flying.

CHECK IN

1. Trying to eschew lines by checking in at the premier desk, pretending not to know it’s the premier desk.

2. Trying your luck with the old, “Any chance I can have a free upgrade?” routine.

3. Booking a lap infant and then trying to finagle an actual seat at check-in.

4. Completely repacking your bag while checking in because it was too heavy.

SECURITY/PRE-FLIGHT

5. Walking to TSA PreCheck / Global Entry with your head up like a royal.

6. Running late for your flight and then pushing your way to the front of security with a sad, sad story.

7. Rolling your eyes at people in the security line who forget to take their shoes off, and then realizing you forgot to take your belt off, duh.

8. Completely redressing yourself at the TSA conveyor belt.

9. Trying to sneak an enormous suitcase on as a carry on.

10. Spending too much time in the airport bar and almost missing your flight, even though you arrived two hours early.

11. Charging your devices in the boarding area with a super-long cord and “clothes lining” other passengers in the process.

12. Taking up an entire row with your bags in a crowded gate area, and then burying your face in your phone with questionable intensity to ward off any potential space invaders.

BOARDING

13. Being a part of a “waiting halo” that gathers around the gate so earlier groups can’t line up—even though you know your group is the last one.

14. Trying to sneak into an earlier boarding group.

15. Rearranging other people’s luggage in the overhead to make room for your own.

16. Putting your luggage into the overhead bin sideways like an amateur.

17. Attempting to get from the back of the plane to the front while people are still boarding because there’s no more overhead bin space in your area.

18. Watching every passenger board the plane and hoping that beautiful man/woman will set next to you so you can begin your epic romantic journey. WILL IT HAPPEN?

19. Counting the minutes until the gates close while keeping an eye on that open row. Gotta call dibs before someone else does!

20. Pretending you’re in a music video or movie as you look out the airplane window with your headphones on.

21. Using up precious overhead bin space for small items like a handbag, coat or fanny pack. Those can fit under your seat, pal!

IN FLIGHT

22. Booking Basic Economy with your sig-o to try to save a few bucks and then, once you board, pestering others to move so that you can sit together.

23. Claiming an outlet as soon as you sit down.

24. Groaning aloud when a baby’s seated near you, even if that baby hasn’t shown any sign of committing a crime—yet.

25. Playing passive aggressive games with the middle seat arm rests.

26. Sneaking in a few extra minutes of phone time—even though you’re already supposed to be in airplane mode.

27. Sticking your feet in the aisle or worse, claiming the tiniest millimeter of the arm rest in front of you as a foot rest (their elbow can’t reach back that far, can it?!).

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28. Taking note of which TV shows/movies/books/magazines other people are watching/reading and promptly judging said choices.

29. Getting a thrill out of pushing the attendant button to ask for water…pillow…blanket….anything at all.

30. Take the obligatory photo of the airplane wing from the window seat, and then uploading it to Instagram with the caption: On my way to ______. #blessed

31. Decision anxiety when you have to go to the bathroom and the beverage cart is inches away.

32. Sitting in the middle seat anyway, even though either the window or aisle seat is empty. Who are these people?!

33. Talking over the middle seat to your friend in the aisle seat because you just had to have the window seat.

34. Waiting until the aisle person falls asleep to realize that you have to go to the bathroom.

35. Laughing way too loud with your headphones on at the corny in-flight movie.

36. Reclining your seat suddenly, and hence bashing the knees of the person behind you.

37. Enjoying a tall glass of white wine as you try to pretend your kid (who’s kicking the seat in front of him) isn’t with you.

38. Slipping your shoes off inflight to give your sore feet a break—those dogs are barking!

39. Bringing smelly food. You want your tuna sandwich, and, too bad—everybody’s just gotta deal with it!

40. Having wild B.O. (aka not showering) before you get on a flight. (Hey, your alarm didn’t ring—it was down to the wire!)

41. Turning around and giving a look like, You best NOT be doing that again. Just because someone kicked your seat ONE TIME by accident. (Gotta nip it in the bud!)

42. Reclining your seat to its fullest but getting annoyed when the person in front of you does it.

43. Feeling sheer panic when you’re not done eating your meal but the attendants are ALREADY collecting garbage. Do you keep eating and wait another million years before they come by again? Or do you scarf everything down like a mongrel?

44. Seeing someone getting up to go to the bathroom, then deciding you have to go too, so you scramble out of your seat to get in front of them.

45. Not flushing the toilet… Why would you touch ANYTHING in there?

46. Getting annoyed that the bathroom faucet doesn’t stay on and that you have to continually press it with soapy hands.

47. Snoring on the person next to you.

48. Making everyone get up repeatedly so you can step into the aisle and get something from your bag in the overhead compartment.

LANDING

49. Clapping like a dork when the plane lands.

50. Standing up and grabbing your overhead bags while the plane is still taxiing.

51. Trying to dash to the front or trying to exit before the rows in front of you as soon as the plane lands, instead of filing out one row at a time.

ARRIVAL

52. Literally racing other people from your flight to get to customs and immigration before everyone else.

53. Jamming yourself into the airport tram just as the doors are closing, delaying everyone’s arrival to baggage claim.

54. Jockeying for prime position in front of the luggage carousel, as if your life depended on it.

55. Allowing your kid to utilize the baggage claim conveyor belts as a jungle gym because it’s better than listening to them whine some more.

56. Reading all the chauffeurs’ arrival signs and making promising eye contact, even though nobody’s picking you up.

57. Running (or pushing) past everyone when leaving baggage claim to get to the front of the taxi line.

58. Pretending that everyone else is the annoying traveler, not you, because you’re cool and nice and a seasoned traveler so why would anyone have any reason to believe otherwise?