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Los Angeles

Los Angeles is a nice place to visit—just be sure to play by the locals’ rules by not saying any of these 15 things.

Plus: Here are 15 things you should absolutely never say to a Chicagoan.

1. Oh, look, there’s someone famous! Quick, get a selfie.
When you live in Los Angeles, it’s very likely you’ll see a Kardashian walking out of a 24-hour pharmacy at odd hours. Why? Because they don’t want to be bothered. Leave. The. Famous. People. Alone.

2. Do you have a medical marijuana card?
Trust us, no one is interested in having the medical marijuana card talk. Again.

3. Does everyone here have surgically enhanced—um—assets?
Well, pretty much, yes.

4. Can I crash on your couch?
For one night? Sure. But Angelenos get asked this a lot, so if you’re staying any longer (especially if you’re not just visiting), offer us payment or barter. Rent is expensiveand most of us are struggling actors, writers or musicians. Better yet, opt for a hotel.

 

5. Let’s go somewhere cheap for brunch—like Venice Beach.
Venice might have a gritty, bohemian veneer, but don’t be fooled. While cheap eats do exist, beware that you could easily drop a very gracious hundy at “100% organic plant-based” places like Café Gratitude—mostly because you’ll want to try all the weird stuff. Like the “NOURISHED” dish featuring gluten-free sourdough French toast, sautéed kale, chipotle coconut bacon, and cashew cream. Also? Brunch around here is a nice way of saying let’s go day-drinking.blogCTA _dealspage2

6. I live in Los Angeles…well, Orange County.
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with the OC, but let’s be clear: It’s not L.A.

7. How do I get to the subway?
There’s a good chance you’ll be directed to a sandwich shop. (Not that anyone here eats sandwiches.)

8. To hell with Phil Jackson!
No, no, no! Angelenos love Phil Jackson—and would pay a lawn-watering tax if he came backto coach the Lakers. Please come back, Phil, please!

9. Let’s go to that one Mexican restaurant in Los Fuh-leez.
Yes, that would seem like the logical way to say “Los Feliz,” especially because Mexicans basically settled Los Angeles. But it’s Los FEE-liss. Prepare yourself for bar conversations around this mispronunciation.

10. Man, I love the Giants.
Any card-carrying Angeleno worships the L.A. Dodgers, not the San Francisco Giants—especially pitcher Clayton Kershaw, even when he’s having a sucky season. Also Vin Scully—the announcer to top all other MLB announcers—because he’ll be the first one to point out if Kershaw is having a sucky season.

11. My friend told me about this great taco/burger/Thai place.
Every Angeleno knows the best taco/burger/Thai place. None of us agree, but we’re all right and willing to bet our reputations on it. Only transplants agree on the best places—that’s how you can tell us apart.

12. Can you pick me up at LAX at 5:30 p.m. and drive me to the Valley?
Let me think about that for a second. No.

13. Just take the 5 to the 10 to the 101…
Never, ever tell an Angeleno how to get somewhere. Not even your clever little “shortcuts,” which are why even the shortcuts aren’t really shortcuts anymore.

14. That’s so gross that you guys drive everywhere.
What’s gross is that syrupy fluid you just sat in on the bus that kept you waiting for three hours, and then only got you within two miles of where you wanted to go. And cabs? Those were hardly legal in this town until a few years ago. Besides, unless you’re at LAX or Union Station, you’ll probably spot Johnny Depp before you spot a taxi when you actually need one.

15. They said they’d come tonight. They’ll be here.
Welcome to L.A., the Land of Empty Promises. On the flipside, some Angelenos are so fed up with the flakiness that they’ve become hardcore loyalists to combat the stereotype. It’s true what they say—it’s hard to make real friends in L.A.—so when you find good people, show up on time and hold onto them for dear life. Or offer them your medical marijuana card.

Tagged: California, Top 10 Lists

Note: Orbitz compensates authors for their writings appearing on this site.

Leah Pietrusiak

Leah Pietrusiak

Leah Pietrusiak is an LA-based writer, editor and producer.
Leah Pietrusiak

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4 thoughts on “15 things never to say to an Angeleno”

  1. #6 is soooo true!
    #15- I do NOT agree with! i live in england now and it’s hard to make and keep friends here. I have made the bestest friends in LA and I can always rely on them!

    Reply

  2. #1 I have run into a celebrity or two just by default: they and I happen to be puttering about doing normal things and the planets align and we’re somehow doing the same thing in the same place at the same time. It’s a waste of being here to “leave them alone”. Unless they’re surrounded by a security buffer, that’s not explicitly true. As long as you don’t threaten them, heckle them or go over the top ” starstruck” in approaching them. Just approach them like a normal person, they mostly appreciate that…because they just so happen to be, for the most part, normal people. Imagine that! Except for the Kardashians, they’re a scourge that needs to go away. I have generally had good experiences. If you have a picture request, see how your interaction goes and if it goes well, save it for the end.

    I’m an Angeleno, and no, #3 is really not true, not for everyone here anyway…Unless they’re in porn, trying to be in porn, an actress, trying to be an actress, a rockstar’s girlfriend, trying to be a rockstar’s girlfriend, etc.

    #5, even natives fall for that trap. The trick is to go one “new” thing at a time, and/or
    each pick something “weird” and split it, that way you have at least a 1 in 2 chance that what you ordered is worth ordering again, or will even go down long enough to shut your stomach up. Or ask other locals whom you know have patronized there…just don’t walk up to their table and ask to get a bite of that.

    #6 It’s just something you have to do with people who are too far removed from L.A. or even CA. Or even the U.S. Yes, people exist outside this realm *gasp!* I am technically a Valley girl, the response I almost always get 90% of the time is 1) “What valley?” Followed by 2) “I still don’t know where that is.” Respond with “I’m from L.A.” Or “I’m from the L.A. area” is the ideal response. That, more often than not, gets a nod and an “Ohhhh!” thus freeing you to talk about other things. If they too are from or are familiar with the L.A. area, you can be more specific. Otherwise, just say that. Giving them a geography lesson just makes you come off like a condescending, pretentious douche, which makes us all look bad.

    #7 yes, that is funny. Even some locals don’t get that this town isn’t even designed for the capacity it now holds, let alone possess the underground infrastructure necessary to facilitate a subway system.

    What’s gross about driving in L.A. is not that they drive everywhere, it’s the WAY they drive. i.e. distracted. Most have one or both hands occupied, one is almost always holding a cell phone (yes, even COPS), the other can be anything from makeup, to Starbucks to a newspaper, to In-N-Out burgers etc. Then they have the nerve to get mad at YOU for calling them on their poopy driving or giving them a taste of their own medicine by slowing down in front of them or drifting into their lane. In the richer areas, like Beverly Hills, they will size up your car and if they deem their car better than yours, they will assume they have the right of way WHETHER IT’S THEIRS OR NOT. This is my hometown, I’ve seen it too many times to not know otherwise, trust me. And not to condone abstinence of turn signal use, just a fair warning that using turn signals to an Angeleno means “speed up because I’m taking your spot”. That’s just how it seems to be interpreted around here, right or wrong.

    As gross as public busses are, any savvy person will thank the good lord for them because imagine how much MORE hopelessly crowded our streets and freeways would be if each one of those self-talking, bus riding looneys had their own vehicle. It’s heartbreaking to me to see tourists & foreigners wave their arms off trying to hail a cab. Silly creatures. That’s not how it works here.

    #10 All I know is saying the opposite up north (something pro-Dodger in SF) COULD get you beaten or shanked! I only wish I were joking about that. I’m guessing there is no love lost on this side either. If you’re really that stupid/ignorant to try your luck on that, don’t count on me to bring you flowers by your hospital bedside.

    #11 WOULD be true if L.A. restaurants had more longevity. It can’t possibly be easy to operate a food joint around here, given how many of them come and go on their own, or just cave in to the sheer crush of competition…for some strange reason, it’s always the ones I like that become ” brilliant but canceled”.

    #15: NOT entirely true! Thanks for perpetuating negative half truth stereotypes, lady. Here’s the truth: flakes are EVERYWHERE, as are stupid people. There is no escape. No such thing as “an idiot free, flake-free” region on the map and you know it. Sure, there are some areas that are more concentrated than others, but unless you retreat into hermit life on some remote mountain and you yourself are of reasonable smarts, there is NO escape from stupid, flaky, mean, dirty and or/crazy people.

    #4, #12 & #13: Right on!

    Reply

  3. #9 “…because Mexicans basically settled L.A.”
    Um, rewrite to, “…this was once Mexico.” or ” …this was once called El Pueblo de Nuestra Senoria La Reina de Los Angeles.” Again, this was once Mexico.

    Reply

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