Where to begin? I suppose we start at check in, why not? We got lucky and pulled up before it got silly. There were only two employees there - Inese Lords (more on her later, a little light in a dark place) and another older woman. I was grateful to miss the rush, as we had plans an hour later, but it was the first clue that this "resort" (and I will continue to use these intentionally disparaging quotes, because it's crystal clear that Accor's idea of a resort is an eternity away from mine and my wife's) was going to be an incredible disappointment.
My second clue was provided after visiting the bar and asking for a draft beer. The young woman there kindly (and with some deserved embarrassment) explained that I'd have to wait for her manager, since she didn't know how to operate the taps. No shade, it's not on her, it's on this property's atrocious management for staffing her at the bar with apparently zero training. Someone working with her attempted to help, but proceeded to fill a pint glass with ice before pouring, at which point I realized that I was out matched with ignorance. Fortunately, Mr. manager arrived and properly poured a pint (at the dear price of 16$NZD, what a joke!).
My third clue (and let's be honest here, the mystery was solved by now) was when we came back after dinner to find that our room (504 in the Wairoa room) had a busted fuse box! Every time we tried to turn on the lights, the breaker tripped, leaving us in darkness!